When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible, and they had the land.
~ Desmond Tutu
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America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real, but the moon landing was faked.
~ David Letterman
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After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
~ Italian proverb
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The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
~ Jean Kerr.
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Wood burns faster, when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
~ Harrison Ford
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Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror.
~ Jean Rostand.
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We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
~ WH Auden
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The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
~ George Roberts
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If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport
~ Jonathan Winters